tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89758252915773547922023-11-15T22:26:29.166-08:00pWNAGE of India!Cometh the hour, cometh the pWnzor.Anand Ramachandranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06070164342449790630noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-30562765760373298322010-04-19T05:41:00.000-07:002010-04-19T05:41:48.168-07:00Diary of an IPL Fan - Episode 4<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div><i>This is part of an ongoing series I'm doing for <a href="http://sify.com/">sify.com</a> . Re-posted here for those who missed it when it originally appeared.</i><br />
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<i>Day Twenty-five</i><br />
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For a few days, I am not going to write anything in this diary. Maybe that will change the luck for my favourite teams, especially Preity.<br />
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Oops.<br />
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<br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Thirty-two</i><br />
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Some people are saying that KKR and Rajasthan Royals still have a mathematical chance of qualifying. I didn't know they had that kind of thing in IPL. I thought you have to play matches and win. Not a bad idea. Having a maths entrance exam will help people who are weak at cricket, such as KKR, to still do well in IPL. Maybe the IIT-JEE should introduce a cricket match section also, so that those who have done badly in the IPL still have a 'cricketing' chance of getting in.<br />
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Day Thirty-five<br />
Why is Lalit Modi Sir saying all those bad things about Mr.Tharoor-ji ?????? Maybe he is upset that Mr.Tharoor-ji has ensured that Sreesanth will still be around in IPL 4.<br />
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And why is everyone upset with Lalit Modi Sir about saying stupid things on Twitter? Shahid Kapoor does it all the time, and I don't see anyone calling for an investigation into Shahid's activities. People are biased against Lalit Modi Sir.<br />
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********************<br />
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<i>Day Thirty-seven</i><br />
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No! No! No! All my favourite teams are now out of the tournament. How could Shah Rukh, Preity and Shilpa have allowed this to happen?<br />
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I'm sorry, but even though I am a fan, I have to blame the Bollywood stars for their teams doing so badly. They spend all their time either shooting commercials and films or attending parties, and don't spend any time concentrating on cricket. If Shah Rukh had spent half the time on actual cricket related issues than he did shooting those stupid car ads, KKR would have qualified for the semi-finals for sure.<br />
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I agree that people have the same complaints about the players also - that they spend more time shooting and partying than concentrating on cricket. But they have an excuse - they have to keep up their commitments to their team owners and sponsors. Bollywood stars have no such excuses, na? It's just irresponsibility, that's all. When they are shooting films, do they take breaks to play cricket? So they really shouldn't be taking breaks to shoot films when they own IPL teams. Do you see N.Srinivasan or Venkatram Reddy appearing in ads? No. And look at how their teams are doing.<br />
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</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Thirty-eight</i><br />
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I am very upset that Mr.Tharoor-ji and Lalit Modi Sir are being dragged into all these needless controversies. Both are great men, and the public and media should not make up these false stories about them.<br />
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There is one South Indian writer (can't remember his name) on that leading cricket website who always writes false news about Lalit Modi Sir and everyone else. I think it must be all his doing - he must have written one of his usual made-up false lying news reports, and caused all this controversy. I am going to inform the CBI through SMS. They will nab him and prevent him from spreading lies about the IPL. Serves him right.<br />
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Also, this is all Twitter's fault. I think the government should ban twitter. I won't miss it. I can always keep in touch with Shahid and Kareena through Google Buzz. And Google Wave. But nobody has sent me a Wave invite yet.<br />
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</div></div></div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-2654830262455961822010-04-19T04:43:00.000-07:002010-04-19T04:55:13.480-07:00Diary of an IPL Fan - Episode 3<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Note : This is part of a series that I'm currently doing for </span><a href="http://sify.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sify.com</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> . Republished here for those of you who missed it when it first appeared.</span></i><br />
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<i>Day Nineteen</i><br />
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I don't know why everybody criticises the commentators so much. They are all either former cricketers, or hardworking upcoming actors, and we must repect them for their achievements. Except for Arun Lal. I can't remember exactly what he does, but I remember that his father was also a sports commentator. One funny thing about his father - sometimes he used to be called Anupam Ghulati, and sometimes he was called Kishore Bhimani! Hahaha I always wondered why the same commentator would use different names, but then realized that it was probably so that fans don't get confused - so he used one name for cricket and another for other sports. That and probably some tax reasons, I guess.<br />
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But anyway, why always poke fun at commentators and everything they say? I agree that they say very basic and stupid things sometimes, but we must remember that their comments are very useful and educational for people who don't know anything about cricket - such as Shilpa Shetty. And John Buchanan.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Twenty</i><br />
<div><br />
They have selected the Indian team for the T20 world cup - and I must admit that I am disappointed. Why have they only selected Indian players? I can understand if it was for fifty overs format, but in T20 you are allowed four foreigners in the team, no? Why doesn't Lalit Modi Sir explain this to K.Srikkanth ? At least he could have explained it to Narendra Hirwani before throwing him out of that exclusive IPL lounge no?<br />
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<br />
This is not fair. Now all the other teams will be packed with foreigners, and our Indian team will have none. Surely we are going to lose. And this Srikkanth is always selecting players from his own state - like Dhoni and Raina. Clearly he is biased.</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
<br />
<i>Day Twenty Two</i><br />
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This middle part of the IPL is really very boring. All the matches are beginning to look like each other - no excitement. This is why I am so happy that Mr.Vivek Oberoi has decided to release his new film, Prince, at this time. It shows how much Mr.Vivek cares about the people of India - so he is releasing his film despite the fact that the IPL is going on. Other selfish and greedy producers are holding back their releases until after the IPL is over. This clearly shows that they are only interested in money. Mr.Vivek Oberoi is different - he is not bothered if his film flops (which it surely will, since everyone is watching IPL) as long as the fans are happy. What a man!</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Twenty Three</i></div><div><br />
My friend laughed at me today for saying that the Vodafone Zoozoo ads have superb animation. He says that these ads are not animated. Hahahahahahahaha. He is a donkey. He probably thinks that Shaktimaan is a fictional character. He doesn't know that I once met Shaktimaan many years ago, when I was in school. Many people have told me that that was just an actor wearing a Shaktimaan costume, but they are wrong. Why would anyone wear such a stupid costume if they weren't actually Shaktimaan?</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Twenty Four</i></div><div><br />
Damn. I called that stupid telephone line so that I could speak to a cheerleader, and they connected me to R.P.Singh! What a waste! Why would I want to speak to R.P.Singh? So anyway, I asked him if he could introduce me to any cheerleaders. He immediately hung up. I think he doesn't know any. I think tomorrow's 'Star Connect' is with Shane Warne. Surely he will be able to introduce me to some girls. I will try again tomorrow.</div><div><br />
</div></div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-80398584708494042982010-04-19T04:41:00.000-07:002010-04-19T04:41:16.588-07:00Diary of an IPL Fan - Episode 2<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Note : This is part of a series that I'm currently doing for </span><a href="http://sify.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sify.com</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> . Republished here for those of you who missed it when it first appeared.</span></i><br />
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<i>Day fourteen</i><div><br />
What is Preity's team doing? Selfish, greedy buggers. Don't they want to win to make her happy? Such a sweet girl - she is so nice to them. She even pays them salaries and cheers for them during the matches. No other team owner will do this. And how do they repay her kindness? By losing again and again.<br />
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I think Yuvraj is annoyed at losing the captaincy to Kumar Sangakkara, so he is trying to win it back by turning into Arjuna Ranatunga, so that the Sri Lankans will listen to him. Idiot - always worrying about runs, wickets and captaincy. He should realize that Preity's happiness is all that matters.</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day fifteen</i></div><div><br />
Damn. My fantasy league team is doing really badly. I can understand Lalit Modi sir's decision to keep Pakistan players out of the IPL, but at least he could have given permission for them to play in fantasy cricket, no? If I had Shahid Afridi, Umar Akmal and Umar Gul in my fantasy team, surely I would have done well. They are quality players in any format. Why keep them out of fantasy leagues and insult them? I hope that Mohammed Yousuf doesn't retire from fantasy cricket in a huff. The game needs him.<br />
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Oh - and speaking of Pakistani cricketers, what's all this about Shoaib Malik marrying Sania Mirza? She should realize we're a conservative country. She shouldn't have married into another sport. But I hope she's happy, and serves her husband better than she serves, period.</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Sixteen</i><br />
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I am so proud. We finally have a real blimp in India.<br />
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I have no idea what it is, but since L.Sivaramakrishnan said that it's some great modern technological marvel, it must be so. Why would he lie? In fact, these Tamils know a lot about technology. They have lots of time to study all these technological things, since they don't have Bollywood to distract them, I guess.<br />
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Lalit Modi sir is truly a genius for getting such technologies into cricket. Superbowl is the biggest sporting event other than the IPL - and they also have a blimp made by a tyre company. The IPL is a trendsetter for sure. Soon the Superbowl organisers will also copy the IPL and get cheerleaders, more advertisements and even strategy breaks. Then their tournament will also become as famous as IPL.</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day Seventeen</i><br />
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Harbhajan is a great player, but he should learn to calm down. Why did he shout at T.Suman that day? He only shouts at players who are smaller than him. They should send Sunjay Dutt sir into the ground to deal with players who are indisciplined. Just seeing that costume will be enough to silence anybody. </div><div><br />
</div><div>********************<br />
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<i>Day eighteen</i><br />
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The Hon. Sports Minister has unnecessarily criticized Modi Sir, because he is using cricket for entertainment it seems. Isn't cricket supposed to be for entertainment? Why else are we watching cricket? For education or what? I think they should remove boring old Mr.Gill and make Lalit Modi Sir the sports minister. He will be able to make anything interesting. Even Tennikoit.<br />
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Also, KKR isn't doing as well as I thought. But they obviously haven't taken my advice. I told them to buy Sachin - but I see that Sachin is still with Mumbai Indians. And see how well they're doing? I am beginning to doubt my hero Shah Rukh. I don't think they are really following the advice of fans like me - I think it is just some advertising trick.But I know how to reach Shah Rukh - the one place where famous people like him can be reached directly. So see you guys later - need to go and set up a twitter account.</div><div><br />
</div><div>********************</div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-21217494986426623862010-04-19T04:38:00.000-07:002010-04-19T04:38:58.627-07:00Diary of an IPL Fan - Episode 1<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Note : This is part of a series that I'm currently doing for </span><a href="http://sify.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sify.com</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> . Republished here for those of you who missed it when it first appeared.</span></i><br />
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<i>Day Zero</i><br />
I am so excited that the IPL has begun. A true battle between some of our best and sexiest film stars! May the best person win - Shah Rukh, Preity, Shilpa, Katrina, all the best. Except to that boring Chennai team. K.Srikkanth it seems - who wants HIM as a brand ambassador? And that weirdo who drums on a river.<br />
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**********<br />
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<i>Day Four</i><br />
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Good that Shah Rukh has finally come to his senses and is accepting advice from those who truly understand and love his team - random people from all over India. Better than trusting Australians like Buchanan. In previous years also I had suggested many strategies by leaving over 200 comments on his team's web site, but I'm sure those idiots who maintained the web site never forwarded them to him. Morons - do they think he can personally visit the site and read all the comments? Lazy.<br />
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This time I have sent all my advice in a large book, couriered to his office. I'm sure that newspaper guy, that TV serial aunty and that chicken-catching dude must have done the same. If their advice can help KKR win their first two matches, surely mine will help them even more? Watch out - KKR will surely win this year.<br />
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**********<br />
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<i>Day Seven</i><div><br />
Damn. My 'fake IPL player' blog is not taking off. What's the matter with people - what I write is so much funnier than that guy from last year. Maybe I shouldn't have pretended to be 'fake Anirudh Singh'. I've even copied some of the Fake IPL Player's original posts. Why can't people who watch the same movie multiple times enjoy reading the same blog post multiple times? Snobs. Losers.<br />
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Anyway, there's still hope. One gentleman has left a comment on the blog, promoting something called 'Male Organ Enhancement'. Why would he choose my blog to promote something, unless he knew lots of people are visiting it ?<br />
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*********<br />
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<i>Day Ten</i><br />
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I'm so happy that Preity's team finally won! Her smile is SO much nicer than N.Srinivasan's.<br />
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**********<br />
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<i>Day Twelve</i><br />
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Lalit Modi sir is a genius and a true visionary. He has managed to get two more teams into the IPL - from Pune and some place in Kerala. He will make everybody rich I think - except for those people who buy these teams for huge amounts of money, even more than English football teams. But this is not a problem for them - they are rich people anyway.<br />
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Lots of people are making jokes that Dubai is a part of Kerala, but these jokes are silly and repetitive, and they don't fool me. I know that it is a part of Arab. Kerala is a part of Sri Lanka.<br />
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***********<br />
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<i>Day Thirteen</i><br />
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Am so excited that I'm going to watch an IPL match next week. I haven't bought tickets, but I have entered many contests, and will surely win at least one free ticket. This is the law of averages. Even Kings XI Punjab managed to win a match, no? The law never fails.<br />
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See you guys in a little while.<br />
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</div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-44085753460459800002010-02-27T02:19:00.000-08:002010-02-27T02:19:25.380-08:00Katrina Kaif's keen mind analyzes the budget.Here's Katrina Kaif on the budget, from today's TOI.<br />
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<blockquote><i>"The overall Budget is positive for the education, entertainment and energy sectors. Finally, the FM has admitted that India is a nation of moviegoers. Clarification on custom duty for imported cinematographic films will benefit some. It would have been nice if cinema tickets were subsidized. <br />
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Entertainment tax in certain states is high. The government must give this a thought. What makes me happy is that the education incentives, especially in primary schools in rural India, will continue. "</i></blockquote><br />
Hoo, boy. Where do I even begin? This statement expects us to believe that :<br />
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<ol><li>Katrina Kaif has a reasonable understanding of how the economics of the energy and education sectors work.</li>
<li>Katrina Kaif understands the taxation structure for imported cinematographic films.</li>
<li>Katrina Kaif actually said this.</li>
</ol><br />
Of course, it's very possible that Ms.Kaif is, indeed, an intelligent and thoughtful young woman who reflects on many aspects of civil society, global economics and existential philosophies whenever she gets some time off from pretending to be a dumb bimbette and making lots of cash.<br />
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But consider this TV interview I once saw. The words are not accurate, but the exchange is reproduced precisely as it occurred. <br />
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<blockquote><i>Dumb Interviewer Chick : Do you have any problems with being perceived as just a pretty face ? With how people only pay attention to your looks and not your brains ? </i><br />
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<i>Katrina Kaif : Not at all. I have no problem if people keep harping on my beauty and, you know, don't talk about my . . . you know . . . er . . . um . . . ah . . . er . . . whatever it's called."</i><br />
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<i>Dumb Interviewer Chick " Whatever it's called."</i><br />
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<i>Both nod vigorously.</i></blockquote><br />
Katrina Kaif didn't even show enough intelligence to remember the word 'intelligence'. Perhaps it was because she was simultaneously calculating the fiscal deficit.<br />
<blockquote></blockquote>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-10691457084343966202010-02-27T01:18:00.000-08:002010-02-27T01:27:33.297-08:00Shahid Kapur's keen mind analyzes the budget.Here's Shahid Kapur on yesterday's budget, in today's TOI :<br />
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<blockquote><i>"As the finance minister pointed out, we've had a fairly trouble-free 2009. But, we live in the times of terror and increase in defence capital expenditure was mandatory. I feel that besides giving our border and police forces better amenities like guns and bulletproof vests, we must give them better living conditions. These guys are real heroes and their homes and pay packets need to be bettered. It's the least we can do for them. "</i></blockquote><br />
Notice two key features of his message :<br />
<ol><li>The use of the term 'defence capital expenditure'.</li>
<li>Complete sentences with real words.</li>
</ol>Now contrast this with the contents of Shahid's twitter stream, for the period leading up to the budget, and the day the budget was presented. Reproduced here for your reading pleasure. Please click the image for a magnified view. It's worth it.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkkUUaETvO4Uc66sifOn9l0DSdRN-F3Q7glibJ_tfNUH7x053JhX6uyw5GAcaZX_MXncV-I6ugyLJDP5VfgBCJ8kRvQ_KW03FsBXR7UOnEXmgg-aSQf2syhv6oCLsRCL-82MoDdgD0o_U/s1600-h/shahidtimeline.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkkUUaETvO4Uc66sifOn9l0DSdRN-F3Q7glibJ_tfNUH7x053JhX6uyw5GAcaZX_MXncV-I6ugyLJDP5VfgBCJ8kRvQ_KW03FsBXR7UOnEXmgg-aSQf2syhv6oCLsRCL-82MoDdgD0o_U/s640/shahidtimeline.png" width="251" /></a></div><br />
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Note the salient features. Only four tweets even remotely resemble proper sentences :<br />
<ol><li>"ishaan to my left"</li>
<li>"hey man" </li>
<li>"of course i will" </li>
<li> "hey" </li>
</ol>Other than pointing out the precise location of Ishaan, and providing a thrilling demonstration of the overuse of punctuation marks, Shahid gives us no evidence on twitter that he is capable of such a lucid response to the budget. "Defence capital expenditure" indeed.<br />
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I suspect that Shahid is an extremely articulate, perceptive and intelligent young man who deliberately recruits half-wit morons to ghost-tweet on his behalf. But I could be wrong.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-82514182051757601982010-02-23T20:44:00.000-08:002010-02-23T20:44:07.972-08:00Alternate ways to deal with the 'Manglik' curse.<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">One of my friends has just been told the bad news in no uncertain terms. His brutally honest, grim-faced astrologer has informed him that he is 'Manglik'. And hence he would have to marry an earthen pot.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">I have nothing against earthen pots – they're cute, unargumentative, and eco-friendly – but I would draw the line at marrying one. No insurance benefits, and the sex would be below par. Not to mention the horrifying prospect of the house being filled with the pitter-patter--plunkety-plonk-oops-crash of little anthropomorphic pots resembling something from those badly animated advertisements seen on Doordarshan during the eighties.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">But I digress. The reason for this downright bizarre practice is, of course, to prevent your bride(or groom)-to-be from meeting with a grisly end a few months into the marriage. By marrying the pot, your 'curse' is transferred to the innocent container, which then frees your beloved to live long, prosper, and nag you about your clothes. The pot is then destroyed, ending the curse. Neat.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">On closer examination of the practice, I find that our friends in the astrological community have been rather unimaginative in their process design. The things you can marry to redeem yourself from the dreaded 'Manglik' curse seem mostly limited to earthen pots, banana trees and clay idols. Boring.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">My question is – why not expand the scope a little and include a number of things that are better suited to bearing the curse of imminent death? Just a quick glance around will provide numerous examples of things that are probably going to die quickly anway, so what's the harm in going a little 'Manglik' on their sorry asses? A sampling : </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><ul><li><b>An XBOX 360 console</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
Everybody knows that Microsoft's crappy hardware quality will ensure a 'Red Ring of Death' just a few months after purchase. Perfect for absorbing any Manglik negative energy.</span><br />
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</li>
<li><b>Sania Mirza's chances at the next grand slam</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
If lack of survival is what you're looking for, then Ms.Mirza is unlikely to let you down.</span><br />
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</li>
<li><b>A Mayfly</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
The poor creatures only live for a few hours anyway. And their main purpose is reproduction, so you can even squeeze in a quick one before saying goodbye. Caution – might die even before you complete the ceremony, so make it quick and snappy. Register marriages recommended as opposed to those interminably long circuses we sometimes call weddings.</span><br />
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</li>
<li><b>The acting careers of Tushar Kapoor, Dino Morea or Suniel Shetty</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
While we admit that their careers are dying a tad slower than is ideally suited for this purpose, there's nothing wrong in helping their demise along with a little Manglik magic. </span><br />
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</li>
<li><b>An answer to any question posed on TV by Arnab Goswami</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
A very safe bet – since Arnab takes great care to kill all responses quickly and efficiently, by cutting them off after “Well, you see, Arnab, it's a ma . . .”</span><br />
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<li><b>A social revolution started on Twitter or Facebook</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
Nothing is more short-lived than attempts by thousands of people on Twitter and Facebook to rid the world of its evils by starting hashtags and saying interesting things about their underwear. Most of these live for about 24 hours, or until someone links to a funny video where Hitler gets upset.</span><br />
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</ul><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Of course. I realize that many of these things are fairly hard to actually 'marry' – but Astrologers are studs at coming up with ideas to solve such problems. If they can cure chronic gall bladder problems by tying coloured ropes around stone idols hundreds of miles away from the gall bladder in question, this can't be too hard. They'll figure it out.</span></div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-19393289436396684112010-01-25T00:01:00.000-08:002010-01-25T04:32:54.608-08:00Going one-up. An Aamir Khan - Shah Rukh Khan rivalry story.<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><i> A short story by Anand Ramachandran</i><br />
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“Fuck! I hate my job.”, said Sankalesh Jimmy in exasperation. He would have slammed the phone down in disgust, had it not been a mobile phone. He suddenly hated mobile phones for not being slammable. He then proceeded to hate his coffee, his cubicle, his nose, and even his beloved collection of old 'Dipy's Cowboy' memorabilia – all of which were blameless for his current state of agitation.<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">But most of all, he hated Aamir Khan, who wasn't.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“What's the matter? You seem upset.”, said James Dare, keenly observant as always. James was one of those guys who, if you had chanced upon his visiting card without having met him, you would have imagined looked like a dynamic, rock-jawed, spacefaring captain who saved the universe on Thursdays. In reality, he looked more like 'Mirchi' Siva in a foul mood, perhaps after losing a closely fought table-tennis game from a winning position. <br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Now he wants craters on the fucking SUN! Screw this.”, said Sankalesh<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“What?”<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“It's bloody Aamir. Ever since that stupid moon-crater was named after Shah Rukh, he's been desperate for attention. Now he's asking us if we can get a sun-crater named after him. Sun-crater. Can you fucking believe that?”. Sankalesh slumped into his chair and buried his face in his hands. <br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“You'd think it was a blast being Aamir's PR manager.” he said wryly.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“So you're saying there aren't any craters on the sun?” asked James <br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Of course not. You're telling me you didn't know that?” asked Sankalesh incredulously.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“I didn't even know that there were craters on the moon. And that you could name people after them. So there aren't any on the sun? Why not? You can't name people after them?” asked James cheerily.<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Yes there are. Yes you can. No there aren't. Maybe because the sun doesn't have a fucking SURFACE! No you can't, because there's nothing to name.”, said Sankalesh, answering the questions in the correct order, through gritted teeth.<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Oh.” said James absently, peering into Sankalesh's monitor and reading his messages. At any other time, Sankalesh would have been annoyed at this, but now he merely ignored it. He looked up at the ceiling.<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“It's always the same. Shah Rukh gets a six-pack, and Aamir invents the eight-pack. Shah Rukh picks up some awards, Aamir stops accepting awards altogether. Shah Rukh plays a psychopath, Aamir plays a violent psychopath with memory-loss, a bad attitude and his contacts list tattooed on his fucking body. Shah Rukh makes a bad movie a hit, Aamir makes the worst movie of all time the biggest hit of all time. It's unbearable.”<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Yeah. Aamir rules. He's the best at everything he does.”, said James, taking a break from reading Sankalesh's monthly accounts statement in order to perform the valuable service of missing the point entirely.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">They sat in silence for a few minutes.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“I know what I'm going to do”, said Sankalesh suddenly.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">He picked up his phone and dialled.<br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">“Hello? Aamir? Hi, it's Sankalesh. More news on Shah Rukh. Apparently this morning, he woke up and actually contemplated suicide. It's going to be in the TOI tomorrow – front page. Seriously. SRK contemplates suicide. Half-page with colour pictures. What do you suggest we do?”<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">He waited a few seconds, and then heard the gunshot.<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">He felt evil.<br />
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<i>Note : This post is part of an experiment to treat the same subject of satire in three different ways. There's a <a href="http://www.sacredcow.in/2010/01/aamir-khan-desperately-tries-to-go-one.html">cartoon here</a> and a<a href="http://www.bosey.co.in/2010/01/aamir-khan-upstages-srk-gets-solar.html"> satirical fake news report here.</a><br />
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</div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-35895070049781174602009-10-31T00:25:00.000-07:002009-10-31T00:26:29.963-07:00And now to download something completely different.<div style="color: #b45f06; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The Internet and Monty Python turn 40 this year. An appreciation of both.</i></span><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Anand ramachandran</i></span><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's funny, really. How Monty Python and the Internet were both born in the same year, forty years ago. </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">It was 1969, the year Jimi Hendrix played 'The Star Spangled Banner' at Max Yasgur's farm, the year the Beatles broke up, the year man landed on the freakin' moon. It was the year Honduras and El Salvador went to war over a football game, the year the Boeing 747 first took to the skies, the year Led Zeppelin burst onto the scene and changed Rock n Roll forever.</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the midst of all this excitement, John Cleese thought it would be a good idea to invite Michael Palin to join Graham Chapman and himself to create a brand new television series for the BBC. Across the pond, US defense scientists used a cool new technology called 'packet-switching' to establish a network connection (They called it ARPANET. Scientists. You'd think they'd have come up with something cooler) between computers located at the UCLA, the Stanford Research Institute, UC Santa Barbara and the University of Utah.</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">As a result of these two seemingly unrelated events, today we watch episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus on YouTube, excitedly send the link to our friends over e-mail, Facebook and Twitter, and waste the rest of our working day LOLing at the antics of the greatest comedy team in history. It's a complete #WIN.</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">Today, forty years later, it's almost impossible to wrap our minds around the impact that the Internet has had on our lives. It's like trying to describe how our lives have been affected by the invention of the wheel, or language, or processed food. Today, most of us live in a dizzying swirl of instant, always-on connections that criss-cross so many aspects of our daily lives, it's hard to imagine what life was like before the Internet. </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">One way to try and define the impact of the Internet is to look at the situations that it has made extinct. When was the last time you spent days trying to remember the lyrics to a song on the tip of your tongue, or the author of a book, or the winner of a sporting event? When was the last time you pored over old newspapers to find the advertisement you suddenly want to respond to? When was the last time that getting information from a college meant writing a letter to them and hoping for the best?</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yes, we don't receive warm, personal greeting cards on our birthdays anymore. But we do get hundreds of wishes from friends we haven't seen for years, and that's pretty nice. Yes, the excitement of finally finding a rare music album or movie is a thing of the past. But we do get to watch or listen to anything we want to, whenever we choose, and that's pretty cool. Suddenly feel the urge to watch Monty Python's famous 'dead parrot' sketch? No need to scour video stores, wait hopefully for TV reruns, or badger relatives in the UK. You can't tell me that's a bad thing.</span><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">We find jobs without having to leave our homes, reach hundreds of people instantly when we need help during a medical emergency, quickly verify the truth in rumours and don't have to risk buying products without learning what the world thinks of them first.</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you have any sense of wonder at all, you can't help but marvel at the amazing sci-fi-ness of it all. Science fiction writers teased us with tales of vid-phones (skype), mass broadcasting of thought streams (twitter), virtual avatars engaging in gladiatoral combat (multiplayer games) and all-knowing computer oracles (the world wide web). But they didn't warn us that it would all happen in our lifetimes. Guess they didn't know. </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">And those of us born in the sixties and seventies, we caught the crest of the wave. We're the ones who are old enough to remember what it was like before, and are young enough to be in the thick of what it's like now. And I hazard that we're the ones having the most fun, grinning like idiots as we live out what were merely fantasies when we were kids.</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> <br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">Even as I write this column in my home office, in my immediate vicinity there are eight devices which are connected to the Internet (two computers, three videogame consoles, two handheld gaming units and a smartphone) – I can almost see a John Cleese sketch called 'the Needlessly Overconnected Man', in which Eric Idle smugly explains to an increasingly stressed-out Cleese how he uses one broadband connection merely to check if the other one is working properly. Cleese then downloads a pistol and shoots Idle in the head, saying “What a senseless waste of human life.” Sounds far-fetched? Wait another twenty years, mate.</span><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;">Until then, Happy 40<sup>th</sup> Anniversay, Internet. It's nice to have you around. And you too, Pythons.</span><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>This piece first appeared in the 31st October edition of The Financial Express</i> <br />
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</div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-24836930697988264992009-10-16T23:25:00.000-07:002009-10-17T00:37:23.353-07:00The Kalmadi - Hooper Papers<span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">By Anand Ramachandran. Some of you will recognize the inspiration for the title, some of you won't. That's fine, right?</span></span><br /><br />The Suresh Kalmadi - Mike Hooper spat has degenerated into 'beyond ridiculous'. Kalmadi has always been a great source of entertainment over the years (anyone remember the<a href="http://www.bosey.co.in/2005/08/asian-afro-games-to-be-held-in-2006.html"> Afro-Asian games</a>, and the speech he gave there?), but this time, he's got some competition from one of his colleagues, A.K.Kesri. Here's a scan of a letter Mr.Kesri wrote to the chairman of the OCCWG, from today's INdian Express. (Thanks to <a href="http://www.twitter.com/abithaanandh">@abithaanandh</a> for the keen spot. She has an eye for this kind of thing, she's the one who discovered <a href="http://papayas.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/more-comics-tomfoolery-courtesy-hungama/">Hungama</a> for us.) Do click on the image for a full-size version. Trust me, it's worth it.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichghRZvGvVUcv579BL9-kApKci_rSwthhIIu629Ek_ZsP-qDyUwMlVAt5e5TcVuQapmoyT5hE-e9n735VDCJci8XUHtgaz5ieWfwEn07b3O8t6tOk9ZM360pLLs0D6YIGErjjgbuHyKM/s1600-h/cwgletter.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 264px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichghRZvGvVUcv579BL9-kApKci_rSwthhIIu629Ek_ZsP-qDyUwMlVAt5e5TcVuQapmoyT5hE-e9n735VDCJci8XUHtgaz5ieWfwEn07b3O8t6tOk9ZM360pLLs0D6YIGErjjgbuHyKM/s400/cwgletter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5393452657254766610" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Among my favourite parts are "fortunately I escaped from damage to my spectacles" and "always whistling during his movements in the office building", but you will surely find many others to your tastes. Stunning stuff.<br /><br />Actually, the whole affair seems to be an adult version of a 'Miss! He's taking my pencil box, miss!' type of incident so commonly experienced during the primary school years. To be fair to Hooper, however, I must admit that it is Senor Kalmadi, Herr Bhanot and others who are leading the childishness sweepstakes at the moment.<br /><br />The reasons given by Mr.Kalmadi calling for Hooper's ouster have been, in a nutshell, that Hooper has been of no use, he has been rude to OC personnel, demoralizing them with negative feedback and that he has been an impediment to work on the games.<br /><br />This can be roughly reworded as follows :<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">"Miss! He's useless boy miss!"<br /><br />"Miss! He's talking bad of me and using bad words, miss."<br /><br />"Miss! he's not letting me do my work, miss."</blockquote><br /><br />But since the gentlemen, and I use the term very loosely, who are involved in this unsightly brouhaha are only corresponding through letters and press-releases, I think it would perhaps be more appropriate to look at the issue from that POV.<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;"></blockquote><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">My dear Mr.Hooper,,<br /><br />You are useless. You are spoiling my birthday party. So please leave our school. Go back to your old school.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Suresh Kalmadi.<br /><br /><br /><br /></blockquote><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Mr.Kalmadi,<br /><br />I'm not useless. You're only useless. You always make things very late. Your party will be late and boring.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br />Mike Hooper<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Hooper,<br /><br />Shut up. You always tell bad things to my friends and use bad language. You're a bad boy. I tell to principal.<br /><br />Suresh<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Su-su boy,<br /><br />You shut up. Principal is my uncle, so you can't do anything. I'll tell him you're stupid and you're always late for everything everytime.<br /><br />Fuck off.<br /><br />Mike<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Hooper,<br /><br />Hooper, mein su-su karoonga thumhare sar ke ooper.<br /><br />Kalmadi.</blockquote><blockquote style="font-style: italic;"><br /></blockquote><br />And so on. I think all of them should be sent to detention, and the party cancelled.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-9440798942397280422009-10-15T06:21:00.000-07:002009-10-15T06:22:38.154-07:00The Uncle Premier League.<span style="font-size:100%;"><i><b>There's nothing quite like watching cricket with grumpy old men for company.<br /><br /></b><span style="font-size:85%;">by Anand Ramachandran</span><b><br /></b></i></span> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">I've watched a lot of cricket over the past few years, sometimes alone, sometimes with knowledgeable cricket-analyzing friends who will spend the time between overs discussing the biomechanics of the square cut or the quality of top-soil required for a track that will spin on day four. I love it.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">But nothing even comes close to my childhood cricket-watching experiences, when watching a game meant watching it with my dad and a group of uncles whose love for the game was matched only by the depth of their collective bias.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">This was during the mid-eighties, when India, buoyed by a world cup victory followed by a few successive tournament wins, suddenly gave their fans cause for optimism. Hey – finally, despite the presence of Madan Lal and Ashok Malhotra in the team, we believed we could win cricket matches against the very best teams, except the West Indies. My uncles were probably a part of the first generation of the <i>'we must win every game, take a wicket every over, hit every ball for four – otherwise we suck'</i> category of Indian cricket fan that is so commonly found today.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">They were an imposing bunch – bank managers, insurance company head honchos, and NRIs of uncertain occupation (oh, he is with some big company in Muscat). You couldn't disagree with them, unless you were one of them. Their wives would grumpily serve coffee, mutter under their breaths and retreat to the safety of the kitchen. The kids would never dare to admit they liked Craig McDermott or Carl Hooper or Richard Hadlee if that specific player was out of favour with the 'grand council'. Deep down, you suspected that they didn't know all that much about cricket and were sure that they had no actual say in team selection or match scheduling. But I don't think they had any such doubts – they gathered, snacked, and let fly with some of the most colourful, memorable, and sometimes downright bizarre cricket-based utterances of all time.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Most of them seemed to pull off the rather impressive feat of believing that India was simultaneously the best and the worst team in the world. “Useless fellows!”, someone would thunder after a heartbreaking loss. “They should stop playing cricket altogether for a few years” - as though depriving the team of international competition would somehow ensure that they would suddenly discover a winning formula. Yet, despite this evident negativity, they expected India to win every single game, in the manner of devoted parents sincerely believing that their dullish son would one day achieve exam scores that were disproportionate to his skill levels, and prove that he was better than Sanjay Dugar, or whoever was the designated 'first-rank' boy in class. <span style="font-style: normal;">This expectation of non-stop success from team India is about as fair as expecting Harbhajan Singh to rack up a test match batting average in the low fifties, yet, thanks to the efforts of the early fans, the thought process continues unabated to this day.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">One of the uncles, a particularly opinionated gent, (he was senior management at TVS or some other South Indian business giant, and was probably used to every single one of his opinions being enthusiastically agreed with by an army of safari-suit clad subordinates) was known for his impulsive and emotional responses to events on the pitch. A misfield would result in “Amarnath should be sacked immediately”, causing my young mind to conjure up pictures of BCCI officials hurriedly running on to the field to convey the bad news to Jimmy, who would then sadly trot off, and play no further part in the match. A good catch would result in “He is the only fellow who is playing for the team. Sack everyone else and make him the captain.”, a suggestion that essentially meant that the athletic fielder would be skipper of a team that had no other players. I can only hope that my uncle's management style at work did not reflect his cricket team selection views – it would have resulted in a number of junior managers at TVS losing their jobs because they had forgotten to bring their pens, or neglected to berate the peon over his shoddy footwear.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Their favourite players were also expected to be granted immunity from being dismissed leg-before. If my father's opinion of every single lbw decision given against Sachin Tendulkar is to be taken seriously, then his (Sachin's, not my father's) test average would be 66.87. Include close run-out calls, dodgy caught-behinds, and catches close to the ground, and it inches closer to 75. If my dad could figure out a way to somehow introduce an element of doubt to the times Tendulkar has been out clean bowled, his average would probably be around 3269.53. Well above that pesky Bradman, who only played against mediocre attacks, anyway.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">But despite believing that K.Srikkanth was better than Sunil Gavaskar, despite insisting that umpires from Pakistan, Australia, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, West Indies and England (other than Dickie Bird) were cheats, despite claiming that Hindi commentary has dismissed more Indian batsmen than Wasim Akram has, these were men who loved their cricket, and made sure that a bunch of us youngsters inherited that love. Thank you gentlemen – watching the games with you was a blast.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Right, time to go now. Need to find a way to blame Atul Wassan for India's early exit from the Champion's Trophy. </p>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-59453404335177358012009-07-05T23:38:00.001-07:002009-07-05T23:40:02.954-07:00Dust-free milk. Why settle for anything less?Let it never be said that we give our son anything less than the very best. European standards and all that.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8Nhv2OkBYFE3KnHjOs0uSkxF1zd6ShumslFL2PlxFFAgkyHada9e_IL2K3nrf9uMZS5y1sSSbHvcF49FQG9iY_d43qRyuPnICdJWVpE2cLY0VSS8m3uXOBrnBYtUUynXsyxfEpb9mZ8/s1600-h/dustfree.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 339px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8Nhv2OkBYFE3KnHjOs0uSkxF1zd6ShumslFL2PlxFFAgkyHada9e_IL2K3nrf9uMZS5y1sSSbHvcF49FQG9iY_d43qRyuPnICdJWVpE2cLY0VSS8m3uXOBrnBYtUUynXsyxfEpb9mZ8/s400/dustfree.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355233127392355442" border="0" /></a>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-86899221496982769512009-07-05T23:35:00.000-07:002009-07-05T23:37:09.592-07:00Honesty in advertising.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL0NmFWrceCDGKfhOEs8kjCpshWXrT_gWJBTRbykuFN71_qD7OKRdSuu4s1uyLZS2Byr6YjYNnkKhV4bNjLmaYwxSb9732cHKGNkoWFo13sRGISEjmpX2ybGhIwO-RDWWai-ASLimkwYA/s1600-h/bras.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL0NmFWrceCDGKfhOEs8kjCpshWXrT_gWJBTRbykuFN71_qD7OKRdSuu4s1uyLZS2Byr6YjYNnkKhV4bNjLmaYwxSb9732cHKGNkoWFo13sRGISEjmpX2ybGhIwO-RDWWai-ASLimkwYA/s400/bras.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355232333410327490" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Yeah. So do we. Bras #FTW.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-65298190489948967482009-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:002009-07-05T23:31:50.014-07:00Over 10,000 test runs, and he can co-create milk, too!Anybody else seen this product in stores? I was innocently strolling by a supermarket, with absolutely no intention of buying anything, when my eyes fall upon this poster :<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYG83d4JW8RYUuZ35I36PqqAZ1yU9n1bPFrj9NahbVCe8fHsuIY-CO6ZsYxeaGinsNjaCYXfmMeObm50Ombj4nXM-mufJasnORYEC6cQiCB2fV27jeQ09oS7OaH2pTeK5Qd7lok1d1z54/s1600-h/sach1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 292px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYG83d4JW8RYUuZ35I36PqqAZ1yU9n1bPFrj9NahbVCe8fHsuIY-CO6ZsYxeaGinsNjaCYXfmMeObm50Ombj4nXM-mufJasnORYEC6cQiCB2fV27jeQ09oS7OaH2pTeK5Qd7lok1d1z54/s400/sach1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355230410155896578" border="0" /></a><br /><br />At first I just thought it's another product that he endorses. No big deal. And then this detail draws my attention :<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAkCKBcyxvOMtZVze7yScXEM8zQ1bZH0DMftu7pLya3DAqAGfZeJoH5Rdlg-K11dL6PQPYE0EhIeUzj83jz8e_cQL7hBzNV5GLxUucAJq4L4tw5ipv8d9Nxkxbr4Ljruv5ZCo22Aucapg/s1600-h/sach2.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 184px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAkCKBcyxvOMtZVze7yScXEM8zQ1bZH0DMftu7pLya3DAqAGfZeJoH5Rdlg-K11dL6PQPYE0EhIeUzj83jz8e_cQL7hBzNV5GLxUucAJq4L4tw5ipv8d9Nxkxbr4Ljruv5ZCo22Aucapg/s400/sach2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355230795965443938" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Co created? How, exactly? God, the imagery!Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-3443858127141969212009-01-13T04:30:00.000-08:002009-01-13T04:52:34.008-08:00Cannibalism is alive and well.At least, according to our friends at Chitale Bandhu Mithaiwale.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2MhUK1rGWSkUVKGlLC5xd3MrpTejTAHZc0PQdLzk6WqSYc4MM0i3rmI_IYHZ08sPrRFitYRDB4nUYSEj48wxdoNn97h_YnODjVTxKaJfqcA_6GPbELCSw4O585kAQdm4_ttsuHMC2RqA/s1600-h/namkeen-1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 278px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2MhUK1rGWSkUVKGlLC5xd3MrpTejTAHZc0PQdLzk6WqSYc4MM0i3rmI_IYHZ08sPrRFitYRDB4nUYSEj48wxdoNn97h_YnODjVTxKaJfqcA_6GPbELCSw4O585kAQdm4_ttsuHMC2RqA/s400/namkeen-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290758881613926434" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Here's the relevant detail :<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsCkZgpfq2JFXJuPo36e_EIm-1qxHWYGgCFb3IhgLOevo5jrnptNdgPqL-jIVJZ0KsRkOuM7NzEB40fs9Hbc5mE8x-sKznrMTKaWVxk7_O3_VL2oohqEN9YVOpM7jI6vVjdg_NBhkJ4vo/s1600-h/namkeen-2.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 292px; height: 296px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsCkZgpfq2JFXJuPo36e_EIm-1qxHWYGgCFb3IhgLOevo5jrnptNdgPqL-jIVJZ0KsRkOuM7NzEB40fs9Hbc5mE8x-sKznrMTKaWVxk7_O3_VL2oohqEN9YVOpM7jI6vVjdg_NBhkJ4vo/s400/namkeen-2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290759344121210082" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I can't help imagining opening up a pack, and seeing a whole bunch of far-side-esque little people come tumbling out. Short eats. Hyok.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-52078396734866681372009-01-13T04:06:00.000-08:002009-01-13T05:10:11.111-08:00The greatest films of all time - NarasimmaNarasimma is the greatest film ever made. No, really. <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">It's got everything. Things that explode ( bombs, cars, oil tankers, buildings), things that don't explode (Furniture, Pigeons, Nasser) and things that look like they might explode any minute (Gabtun's jowls, Rahul Dev's biceps, Anandraj). </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Set in an alternate reality where terrorists jump off ledges on being shot at, a hottie like Isha Koppikar can achieve orgasm by merely stealing a glance at Gap-tian, and Raghuvaran isn't the main bad guy, Narasimma is a film that everyone must watch. At least thrice.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">The film kicks off in grand style, when Gapton suddenly appears to assist the cops in apprehending some terrorists, along with his 'Dog Squad' – a random assortment of Alsatians equipped with wireless headsets, in order to help them obey Gabtian's hi-specialty orders meant specifically for commando canines- such as 'Go', 'Come' and 'Sit'. Vijaykanth (I'm just calling him that to improve google results) then stuns everyone by gunning down the cops, blowing up some colonial-looking buildings, and being captured because, even when being chased by cops, he brakes for schoolkids.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yMlGCzvDWIU&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/yMlGCzvDWIU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">This is followed by some sequences (made famous on YouTube) in which the cops torture Gabtun, and the audience simultaneously, by, in no particular order, stripping him, and exposing him to electricity, fire and some really big ice cubes. If you ever yearned to see a semi-naked Vijaykanth chirpily perched on a large block of ice, Narasimma delivers in spades.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">During the course of the next two hours or so, Gaptian performs feats such as cunningly changing his contact lenses from blue to green to throw off pursuing investigators, reviving a drowning Isha Koppikar by rubbing her inner thighs, disco dancing, kicking ass, and demonstrating that he cannot be betrayed by carrier pigeons named 'Vallarasu'. All of this, even the last bit, is absolutely true – ask anyone who has seen Narasimma if you don't believe me.</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinWf1SG-3kHrYLt-sEkucck8ZVaJGWHP4bQCGgeDT06XgLr16UcUQQIC-lmSQmAKr1FiKMLXS2XSzNHGClQBSwry9apGTgEKH0mAcDyuvppnZcB-mwaLt0NxmSbAhF30EehyphenhyphenoDxjKqYhA/s1600-h/radharavi.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinWf1SG-3kHrYLt-sEkucck8ZVaJGWHP4bQCGgeDT06XgLr16UcUQQIC-lmSQmAKr1FiKMLXS2XSzNHGClQBSwry9apGTgEKH0mAcDyuvppnZcB-mwaLt0NxmSbAhF30EehyphenhyphenoDxjKqYhA/s400/radharavi.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290763874360507842" border="0" /></a></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Radharavi reacts on seeing the bomb that Gabtun has planted in his heart, conveniently indicated by a blinking light on the X-Ray! This movie is awesome!</span><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">He also proceeds to kill some evil guys in three different states, kidnap some other evil guys, bash up their evil underlings, expose some evil plots, and outsmart some evil plans using gadgets that look like Chinese toys made in Bangladesh. All this while managing to seduce Isha Koppikar with his Gabtun-ness and Gaptianity. He even saves her life on her deathbed, by marrying her – thaali, kumkumam and all. The complete man.</p><br /><object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UzFsqVrJJnM&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UzFsqVrJJnM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object><br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Somewhere along the way, Nasser and Anandraj attempt to shoot Gaeptun, believing him to be a terrorist. Of course, he dodges the bullets in Neo-fashion, and then allows Raghuvaran to look eerily into the camera and reveal the truth – Gabtun is in fact not a terrorist at all, but a government secret agent who is gifted with a mix of the various talents of Batman, The Atom Bomb, The Flash, The Silver Surfer and God. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">After a truly stunning detective scene involving elements such as Adobe Photoshop, some glaciers, a leering Rahul Dev, the 'Enter' key, and Anandraj managing to mispronounce the word 'clue' twice in eight seconds, Gaptian launches the final onslaught with the stirring war cry - “Let us Start The Missen', and leads his troops to storm the ancient fort that Rahul Dev (Akthar Rasool, the terrorist) is using as a hideout.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrhO2dyAQ-1RGksnN_dNp5C8v9_STJYORZQBlEm8H1I5KyTeG0OfElJvLR4r6jBA4nYkjeYFiH9Saob3hotK0imtwST8_tilk6C_c-YC7fxCBJFDwVfr1CQncmkFim_HlTOIeQ5Vg7ilA/s1600-h/headshot.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrhO2dyAQ-1RGksnN_dNp5C8v9_STJYORZQBlEm8H1I5KyTeG0OfElJvLR4r6jBA4nYkjeYFiH9Saob3hotK0imtwST8_tilk6C_c-YC7fxCBJFDwVfr1CQncmkFim_HlTOIeQ5Vg7ilA/s400/headshot.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290764575252972130" border="0" /></a></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Anandraj pulls off a Resident Evil-style headshot! Pwned!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">The greatest action sequence that cinema has witnessed follows, with inerruptions only so that Gaptian can reform a terrorist, and yell “Staaaaaaaaart the Countdownnnnnnnn!”, before continuing to use twin revolvers to take down hundreds of Jihadis. Eat this, Johnny Rambo. Plus, this is probably the only recorded instance of Nasser wielding a rocket launcher, so afficionados take note.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Then, a one-on-one ass-kicking session with Rahul Dev, and a short and tender scene where Gabton snatches a revolver away from a six year old boy and throws it into a nearby fountain, Narasimma draws to a close. Trust me people, this is a film that everyone must watch – easily one of the greatest cinematic experiences in history.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Verdict – </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Narasimma is teh_pWnZorrrrrrzzzzz. Gaptian is teh_r0xx0rrzzz.</span><br /></p>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-80770351361359619992008-12-01T01:18:00.000-08:002008-12-01T01:53:29.659-08:00The Best WTF Film Scripts of All TimeYou want teh_pWnage? You've got it.<br /><br />The below are scans of an actual pitch that was circulated to buyers at a recent film market in India - where leading international film companies came to identify and buy Indian films to produce, market and distribute.<br /><br />I won't demean the awesomeness of the pitches by dwelling on specific points or highlights. That would be disrespectful - like looking at the Taj Mahal and then dwelling on the merits of a specific dome or column.<br /><br />I just so badly wish that one of these gets made into a film. That would be the most kvlt thing ever.<br /><br />Click the images for a larger image - trust me, you don't want to miss a single detail.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[Note - I have deleted the name of the writer, which explains the odd white / black rectangles]</span><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnkMZdT_dVQVjsoKPqVUDhg4SSwaHiYUd4_719rkp7qnD_BleeSFYLAA5Qdo6upgylXC_rjd3UHiC3boAlyIVY1qDFVHzLNCnDS8RLbF1XiTBWxreSWZ3sf8DOKCxbjcBGuFTizMw6BvU/s1600-h/superboy.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnkMZdT_dVQVjsoKPqVUDhg4SSwaHiYUd4_719rkp7qnD_BleeSFYLAA5Qdo6upgylXC_rjd3UHiC3boAlyIVY1qDFVHzLNCnDS8RLbF1XiTBWxreSWZ3sf8DOKCxbjcBGuFTizMw6BvU/s400/superboy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274754399858468018" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2AYb7RKvjnGhLORRN7lV4rLgi_86dnMV4vPLP-30RRHX4rhq6169x-vkGemxlwXbnvsxKmAKmsxiOdzbBH_-28TShTMj4jcT6Tlsl_IpZmq5dUDd1h9fEHur1hl0Ppj_-Y7p6T-Ohx8/s1600-h/feel.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 274px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2AYb7RKvjnGhLORRN7lV4rLgi_86dnMV4vPLP-30RRHX4rhq6169x-vkGemxlwXbnvsxKmAKmsxiOdzbBH_-28TShTMj4jcT6Tlsl_IpZmq5dUDd1h9fEHur1hl0Ppj_-Y7p6T-Ohx8/s400/feel.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274752377159773154" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYZtPNVXWd6dvQq8BtSSJqV_Y7ycKalLoozzB-VDcixLNx7CVq8ibHS-0oEqpqyAs84nSucHninoDCstflQubtWNahFm5XXpfVPOGRLtZMRhO8iXuNAKTvsh4IycBnbOth4kg8x-wfEw/s1600-h/xrayman.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 334px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYZtPNVXWd6dvQq8BtSSJqV_Y7ycKalLoozzB-VDcixLNx7CVq8ibHS-0oEqpqyAs84nSucHninoDCstflQubtWNahFm5XXpfVPOGRLtZMRhO8iXuNAKTvsh4IycBnbOth4kg8x-wfEw/s400/xrayman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274755226387587058" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoQ9d2OI3zYXVtzVooDfUZCScGxA1PL5-q6OWUXrMNIBhPEAWzZQ1mwFjXHrHF9F5wt9Q1r4-GpqnNA-DoDlshPZOcg1oz_06jlTDT6qbkwPeIxL_jhJac8Sgmt9Htfix2dFQ0va0Bug/s1600-h/lovedotcom.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 378px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoQ9d2OI3zYXVtzVooDfUZCScGxA1PL5-q6OWUXrMNIBhPEAWzZQ1mwFjXHrHF9F5wt9Q1r4-GpqnNA-DoDlshPZOcg1oz_06jlTDT6qbkwPeIxL_jhJac8Sgmt9Htfix2dFQ0va0Bug/s400/lovedotcom.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274756589963884306" border="0" /></a>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-42755215938009331922008-09-09T07:56:00.001-07:002008-09-09T08:09:45.646-07:00Tendulkar, Rahman and Kunjumon are teh_pWnorzIn my opinion, these guys are the freedom fighters of modern India - they've liberated more Indians than anyone since Mahatma Gandhi and his band of brothers.<br /><br />Sachin made us proud to be Indian. He enabled us to strut with chins up. Look Aussies and Englishmen in the eye. What a player. His lustre is much diminished now, yes, but let us never forget what he did, and how he made a difference in our lives. Thanks to him, we now have the incredible Dhoni, the dashing Yuvraj and the sensational Sehwag.<br /><br />Kunjumon and A.R.Rahman, with Gentleman, suddenly made it hip to sway to teh_local flava. In my memory, 'ChikkuBukku Raile' was the first Indian movie song that hipsters weren't afraid to play in their cars and at their parties. It started a revolution - today, only n00bs and sn0bs insist that 'western' stuff is better somehow than out film grooves. Kunjumon faded away, thankfully, but ARR (no, not the Paaku), continues to make us proud. No longer are Indian language movies and music uncool - it's rather dramatically the other way around. The 'Peters' are the new nerdwads, the infra-digs, the losers.<br /><br />Their contribution is way more important than is immediately obvious.<br /><br />Thanks to the floodgates they opened, the average Indian on the street is confident, walks with a swagger. It's an amazing transformation - plainly visible to anyone who grew up earlier than the late eighties.<br /><br />How crucial is this, in the view of India's place in the emerging new world order?<br /><br />Give the gentlemen their medals. They do a lot more for India's freedom in today's world than many of our supposed leaders (Dr.Singh an honourable exception, of course)Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-76129663950095580262008-09-09T07:31:00.000-07:002008-09-09T07:52:19.761-07:00Raj Comics is teh_pWnage!Lots of Raj Comics action of late, their web site is amazing : <a href="http://www.rajcomics.com">www.rajcomics.com<br /></a><br />Do not miss the following, which count among the greatest comics creations ever. Take that, Alan Moore!<br /><br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.rajcomics.com/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=734&Itemid=148">Anthony</a> (Best superhero name ever. Until someone comes up with one named Bhaskar)</li><li><a href="http://www.rajcomics.com/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=648&Itemid=150">Bhanja </a>(Best super-villain of all time. If the late Mr.Ledger had seen this guy, he'd have passed on the Joker role in order to play Bhanja)<br /></li><li><a href="http://www.rajcomics.com/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=736&Itemid=154">Fighter Toads</a> (Masterr, Computerr, Shooterr and Cutterr! Sheer genius!)</li></ul><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWkhUiGjqHxHNqA_BbST7v9idcQ-Y72aLAhoorshULjpr9eKPaS6TL4MK6DyWOETlM_7uu3rviJ71k807m22HUgLZH0wP5ES9VKRARs4J5JmJGCGYyLkTFRGpoTM24pAl62xZOoERpcD0/s1600-h/Bhanja.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWkhUiGjqHxHNqA_BbST7v9idcQ-Y72aLAhoorshULjpr9eKPaS6TL4MK6DyWOETlM_7uu3rviJ71k807m22HUgLZH0wP5ES9VKRARs4J5JmJGCGYyLkTFRGpoTM24pAl62xZOoERpcD0/s400/Bhanja.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244032940983766082" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This is Bhanja. Heath Ledger would never have bothered with playing the Joker if he had the chance to play this guy. But maybe Kevin Spacey would have pipped him to the role.</span><br /><br />However, don't do yourself the disservice of limiting yourself to these suggestions alone. As you browse the site, you're certain to find other rich treasures and gems to treasure.<br /><br />Also worth a visit is the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nagraj">Nagraj page on Wikipedia</a>. Some extracts :<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Gorakhnath operated & removed the capsule from Nagraj's head setting Nagraj free who became his disciple & vowed to eliminate crime & terror from the Earth. Since then Nagraj has thrice toured the World & defeated many villains & terrorists.</blockquote><br />Toured??!!?? I can't help thinking of Nagraj, camera in hand, pointing excitedly at the Eiffel Tower or The Sphinx, while kicking the crap out of baddies in between coach rides. Brilliant! I also love the gratuitous use of the &.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAflC55DbOZ0PIgnyK6y0_2i9Pxez7-qDcjoZ9cHHsjMyw0xadIhNQxSoVTsrcFDnO9WV2EygTDDM2lGN7siXMtJHnlGb2KxGLoRkTkvSPZsw-SfrZCe38kXpRbUJPM0-l-zEJlxCPRAQ/s1600-h/nagpasha.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAflC55DbOZ0PIgnyK6y0_2i9Pxez7-qDcjoZ9cHHsjMyw0xadIhNQxSoVTsrcFDnO9WV2EygTDDM2lGN7siXMtJHnlGb2KxGLoRkTkvSPZsw-SfrZCe38kXpRbUJPM0-l-zEJlxCPRAQ/s400/nagpasha.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244033833032238866" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The thin line between horror and comedy. Nobody does it better. The original caption, by the way, says "Nagpasha as Kroorpasha in Nagayana".</span><br /><br /><br />Another one :<br /><blockquote><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">It is notable, and perhaps ironic, that Nagraj has now been transformed into a mythical-magical creature facing fantastical creatures as his enemies, with elements of sorcery/magic and even time and space travel. Many cite this as a reason for the continuous , meteoritic rise in popularity of Nagraj Comics. However, purists still claim that they prefer the more realistic, more practical stories that Nagraj began with.</span></blockquote><br />Realistic? Nagraj? Deliciously delusional.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-62212042586664885522008-07-07T08:37:00.000-07:002008-07-07T08:40:16.363-07:00On being negativeSomeone said this to me : <em>" Life is too short to be negative".</em><br /><br />But, by assuming that life is <em>too</em> short, isn't she being negative? And hence violating her own advice?<br /><br />I helpfully pointed it out, but my efforts weren't well received.Luckily, she's too far away to slap me in disgust.<br /><br />Long distance is teh_pWnage.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-52992460174495843652008-07-07T08:22:00.000-07:002008-07-07T08:34:19.882-07:00If Hitler had been killed off early . . .<div><br /><br /><div>I've actually read two separate books in which the authors have opined that the world would probably have been a lot worse if Der Fuhrer has been nipped in the bud. Strange indeed.</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wRzWBPohXwPlTUGmyhyphenhyphenQ6X5Uwm86eK1NYvn8NdVzmL0OWF8_sbgun7KExKBP8sUMFBj2-9RfFe720HOw7gHkLmxX7QhAovChIDRpRLCqa_jEcEfepXZtdlKAwQsroQQCnMdtmwp6XLI/s1600-h/makinghistory.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5220295594844103330" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wRzWBPohXwPlTUGmyhyphenhyphenQ6X5Uwm86eK1NYvn8NdVzmL0OWF8_sbgun7KExKBP8sUMFBj2-9RfFe720HOw7gHkLmxX7QhAovChIDRpRLCqa_jEcEfepXZtdlKAwQsroQQCnMdtmwp6XLI/s320/makinghistory.jpg" border="0" /></a>The first one is 'Making History' by Stephen Fry, in which the author steps back in time, and prevents Hitler from being born. This has the unfortunate side-effect of causing an even more dangerous and evil man to become the leader of the Nazi party - and much hilarity ensues.</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq-rHmPpc0Mbu6kMpT1ERvJ28hygu8tebdtVxniIF1UzAgW7gJWXNN8cJBVtsXum1Pe68soo7DfQhgDX65HZxGcWhLdBYK4EokpHhV6ryZdcbNg5Eqhq9hLeLMf78D8jhT8iPVVRT_a_M/s1600-h/omac.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5220295813774456290" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq-rHmPpc0Mbu6kMpT1ERvJ28hygu8tebdtVxniIF1UzAgW7gJWXNN8cJBVtsXum1Pe68soo7DfQhgDX65HZxGcWhLdBYK4EokpHhV6ryZdcbNg5Eqhq9hLeLMf78D8jhT8iPVVRT_a_M/s320/omac.jpg" border="0" /></a>The second is a very different book - the superbly retro-classic OMAC (One Man Army Corps) miniseries by John Byrne, in which the most badass superhero ever (trust me, I've read everything) has the same bright idea as Mr.Fry, and promptly wades into ole Adolf's heavily guarded residence, takes out a Rambo-esque number of vehicles, installations and infantry units before cheerily frying Hitler to a crisp. Many years later, OMAC regrets his actions, as the world that ensues after this becomes one of those sterile, fun-less utopias seen in disturbing movies starring Jude Law. </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>So maybe the old rascal served some purpose? A scary thought.</div></div>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-28351070385577477022008-07-07T08:21:00.000-07:002008-07-07T08:37:07.485-07:00The Gods have appeared before us, and they have favoured us with five sets of divine brilliance.Wasn't it the kind of sporting display that makes you glad to be alive and a witness to it?<br /><br /><br />Bud Collins has called it the greatest tennis match ever played. He should know.<br /><br /><br />I watched it from my living room, thousands of miles away from where it was happening, and yet I was a part of it. As was every single person who was privileged enough to witness two great champions produce a once-in-a-lifetime reminder of what pure sport is supposed to be.<br /><br /><br />This was a day I felt sorrow for those among us who don't watch sports – those misguided mortals who would rather watch a movie or step out for a nice dinner. Sunday's final was perhaps the finest example of the kind of rivetting experience that only sport can deliver.<br /><br /><br />Blasted thing went on till almost 2 am (in India), and the afterglow lasted for almost another hour. Brilliant. Nadal vs. Federer was inarguably a shining instance of teh_pWnage.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-89905093350485853312008-04-15T07:46:00.000-07:002008-04-15T09:03:23.832-07:00Arsenal conveying teh_pwnage after defeat!This has got to be one of the funniest crap-i-mations that I've ever seen. Brilliantly done. My favourite is Wenger, but the others aren't too bad, either.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bosey.co.in/blogpics/arsenal.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://bosey.co.in/blogpics/arsenal.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I haven't the foggiest who created this, or from whence it sprung, but if anyone does, let me know and I'll link to the source. Bound to be some more such teh_br1ll14nc3 there.Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-55927881457800126662008-04-14T08:50:00.000-07:002008-04-14T09:56:19.888-07:00It's somehow just not the same if he's V.KennedyP.James is actually V.Kennedy. <a href="http://www.goergo.in/?p=325">Here's proof.</a><br /><br />If I have to explain that to you, then you probably won't be interested in this post anyway.<br /><br />But for the enlightened, how are we going to deal with this? Does 'V.Kennedy Magic Show' have the same ring? Didn't think so.<br /><br />Some of us lucky ones have seen the actual P.James, who was an ancient human being even 20 years ago. Videep Vijay Kumar remembers having James perform absurdly impossible feats at his (Videep's, not James') second birthday party. Aditya Khanna has seen him live at Spencer Plaza, revelling in the magnificence of the venue in a manner that would have made Yanni proud.<br /><br />To the rest of us, he's a mystery man who will always be associated with his iconic piece of graffiti that greets Chennaiites from Redhills to Injambakkam.<br /><br />But he was always P.James.<br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">And now, he's V.Kennedy. At least, his grandson is. And Kennedy continues to call himself P.James, at least when he's performing. Like Phantom, it passes on from generation to generation! What fun! The 'P.James Magic Show' graffiti is like the world famous 'Skull' mark of the Phantom. The Ghost who Walks! The Magician who Writes on Walls!</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">And before we end this delightful train of thought, let's take a moment to dwell upon the mysterious man who links the two P.Jameses, by virtue of having been born to one and fathered the other. By studying the naming patterns in the family, one can safely conclude that he must be called J.Vincent. Yes, that will do nicely.<br /></p>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975825291577354792.post-62617995051271894322008-04-10T19:09:00.000-07:002008-04-10T19:24:16.030-07:00The Shah Rukh Khan Rap<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx5GQnynEWuz4YW2bqjrDfeRVg3IKPLIwABBmQjpk8HbBn7bASAyWrB1_neu6Pb01NARH0haNp_1fQA2sFoIklU9Z2jFQ_3jLkn80pxfmShMRAe2AbjOuQiwA0bawUhS8meK2hV9MO9nU/s1600-h/shahrukh-khan02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 182px; height: 161px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx5GQnynEWuz4YW2bqjrDfeRVg3IKPLIwABBmQjpk8HbBn7bASAyWrB1_neu6Pb01NARH0haNp_1fQA2sFoIklU9Z2jFQ_3jLkn80pxfmShMRAe2AbjOuQiwA0bawUhS8meK2hV9MO9nU/s320/shahrukh-khan02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187807470636622930" border="0" /></a>Shah Rukh Khan. He's everywhere!<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Ever since I came to Mumbai to work on a number of projects involving his company, there's been no escape. Open the morning paper, and he's staring at you. Flip the TV on - you can't surf channels for more than five minutes without looking at his mug. Take a walk, and he's observing you from various billboards at every turn, almost as if to say "Taking a walk, eh? Just thought you'd goof off from working on my stuff for a bit, eh?", with his trademark wit and sarcasm.</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p><br />And hence the following ode. You are welcome to set it to a rap tune. Or hard rock. Or <span style="font-style: italic;">villu-p- paatu</span> if you prefer.<br /><br /><br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">He stares at you from the TV screen</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">From every damn ad that you've ever seen</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Selling you phones and cars and stuff</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">I'm sick of his face – enough's enough!</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">He's on all the billboards and posters and signs</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Spouting those moronic, unfunny lines</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">How can I escape? Lock myself in the loo?</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">I won't be surprised to find him in there, too!</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">How do I escape from Shah Rukh Khan?</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Any more of him and I can't go on.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">I'll gladly suffer Jeetendra or Pran,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Just get me away from Shah Rukh Khan.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">His hamming and preening just drive me insane</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">again and again and again and again.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">The same old cliched, shoddy expressions,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Turning whole movies into torture sessions.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">You'll see him on some TV channel quiz.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Flip through the channels and guess what ? Gee, Whiz!</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">He's singing and dancing and smiling at you</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">On every frickin channel up to 122.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">How do I escape from Shah Rukh Khan?</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Any more of him and I can't go on.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">Give me anyone else – yes, even Salman!</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; font-style: italic;">But please do something about Shah Rukh Khan.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br /></p>Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09348308927567882959noreply@blogger.com6